Today is National Cancer Survivors Day. A beautiful day indeed to celebrate those who have survived this terrible disease. I myself am a “cancer survivor” and for that I am thankful. However, on this day 4 years ago, our Emmi Grace was on life support and we were saying goodbye.
How can I celebrate my “survivorship” when my daughter never got to “ring the bell”? Guilt is real. Survivor’s guilt is real.
Today, I keep thinking, “How can this be?”
How can it be?
It has been 4 years since the amazingly beautiful and joyful Emmi Grace took her last breath. How can this be?
How can it be that I can close my eyes and be right there with you?
How can it be that a lifetime has gone by since I’ve held you in my arms?
How can it be that the world has kept spinning without you in it?
How can it be that your sister only has you as a memory of stories that we’ve given and videos that we’ve shown?
How can it be?
How can it be that you have inspired us to promote change?
How can it be that in your 172 days on this earth you inspired so many?
How can it be that I have learned to offer the love that I had to give you to make the world better?
How can it be that we have passed national policy to fund place a higher priority on the deadliest of kids’ cancers in your name?
How can it be that our community has so generously supported our mission to fund such meaningful projects in your honor?
How can it be that through such generosity, we have provided so many opportunities for children to spend their time with their families instead of inpatient due to lack of insurance coverage?
How can it be that you turned us in to advocates?
How can it be that in your short life you made us so much better?
How can it be that no matter what we have done, it will never be enough?
How can it be that no matter what strides we make, you will still never be with us again?
How can it be that my beautiful girl is growing up in heaven without me?
How can it be that I love you so much?
How can it be that we’ve kept breathing without you?
Well, my darling Emmi Grace, how can it be?
Because of you!
We do everything because of you.
Because of our immense love for you, we trudge forward.
Because of you, we do our best to take the love we have for you and spread it all around.
Because of you, we’ve learned to use our voices (the one you inspire us to have) to speak loudly, to advocate for those who need us, to do our best to right wrongs as we see them.
Because of you, we are strong.
Because of you, we love fiercely.
Because of you, we will continue to attempt the impossible.
Because of you, we will join our voices with those of others who are fighting this fight.
Because of you, we will honor all of the children who have suffered are are suffering.
Because of you, we will find a cure for ATRT.
Because of you, we will find and fund innovative research for less toxic treatments for babies battling brain cancers.
Because of you, we will Cure Kids’ Cancer Now!
Because of you, Emmi Grace.
Always and forever.
Because of you.
So today, we ask again for the generosity of those we know and love to continue to fund brain cancer research for less toxic treatment designed for a child’s body. We ask for help so that more of our children and babies can call themselves “survivors”